Writing Can Be Murder

March 30, 2007

What was I thinking?

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenniferelbaum @ 9:21 am

Last night I had an epiphany about my WIP.  It was so big, so important, so brilliant that I stumbled out of bed in the dark and scribbled it down.

I just read it in the light of day and there are two major flaws:

1) I can only read every third word (this is a result of my terrible handwriting and the fact that I didn’t turn a light on to write the note)

2) It’s not so brilliant or important or big. It’s pretty much a “duh”.

 I’m going to go take a nap……………


March 27, 2007

I look like a criminal!

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenniferelbaum @ 4:55 pm

I know this because someone called the cops on me.  Literally.

Beautiful weather, so I decided to walk outside. I live on a dead-end street, off a highway, so I hopped in the car, drove to a neighborhood five minutes away, parked, and strolled off.

Came back 32 minutes later and there was a cop waiting for me. (It’s perfectly legal to park on this particular street, I know, because I asked the cop, who in all fairness I have to say was nice enough and was just doing his job.)

Someone had deemed that I look suspicious. I had to explain why I was walking in this neighborhood and not in my town (apparently crossing town lines to exercise is a major no-no!). I had to give him my driver’s license. I had to wait FIFTEEN minutes while he ran a battery of criminal record tests.

 Has this ever happened to you? 

There’s no one from the publishing world available?

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenniferelbaum @ 2:02 pm

I just read that Alan Greenspan is going to be the keynote speaker for BookExpo America (here’s a stretch — I bet he’s got a book coming out in June or July). http://www.bookexpoamerica.com/App/homepage.cfm?moduleid=42&appname=288

 This was the best they could do for a keynote address?

March 26, 2007


Filed under: Uncategorized — jenniferelbaum @ 11:22 am

Know that feeling of dismal failure you experience when you try to do your hair the way your hairdresser does and your head ends up looking like a pile of sticky string?

 I get that feeling with my dog.

 Right now, he’s gorgeous (because I just picked him up from the groomer) but by tomorrow he’ll just be another tangled mutt.

March 20, 2007

A Pontificating Idiot

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenniferelbaum @ 5:10 pm

DH says that my last few posts make me sound like I’m a “pontificating idiot”.

I AM a pontificating idiot.

March 19, 2007

PSA It Takes A Village To Raise A Brat

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenniferelbaum @ 9:21 am

 I regularly break the cardinal rule of political correctness: I tell people (complete strangers) how to parent their children.

I’ve been told that this is wrong. That it’s none of my business. That I have no right to say anything.

I say that if you bring your child out in public and I’m subjected to their bad behavior that I not only have the right, but the obligation to say something.

 Last week I was in my local Borders and I said something. This particular Borders provides “shopping bags” so that you don’t have to balance all the books you’re thinking of buying in your arms (this is an evil tactic that I will tackle another day, lol) while you stumble under the weight of your would-be purchases.

Two boys (around 5 & 6) were DRAGGING around books of bags. Running from one end of the store to the other.  And their mother said nothing.

They kept saying, “Look Mommy, we’re dragging our books!”  They knew it was wrong, probably because some poor teacher has had to reprimand them a thousand times not to do it. They were waiting for their mother to correct their behavior.

Still their mother said nothing.

Everyone in the store, shoppers and staff alike, were watching the display with disgust.

No one said anything.

I did.

I marched right up to her and said, “Tell your children to stop it or I will.”

She stared at me dumbfounded. People are always shocked when you ask them to do their damn job.

I wasn’t done. “It is not acceptable behavior for them to run around in a store and destroy things that don’t belong to them. And it’s unacceptable that you as their parent condone this type of behavior.”

Blink. Blink.   I think I had woken her out of her coma.

She ushered her kids into the children’s section, yelling at them not to drag their books.

A member of the staff thanked me.  

(People almost always thank me for my “outbursts” which pisses me off because it means that the offending behavior was bothering others but people are too scared or polite to say anthing.)

March 16, 2007

PSA for Idiot Shoppers

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenniferelbaum @ 8:54 am

Newsflash: You are not the only person stuck standing on line that wants to get out of the store.

When a new line opens up and the cashier says “I’ll take the next person on line over here”  THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU. (unless of course you really are the next person)

YOU, the person who is three people back on the line, should not budge.

YOU should let the person who is next on line (who has been waiting just as long, and probably considerably longer than you) move to the line that is opening. That is polite. That is right.

I felt that it was important to provide this PSA to you naive shoppers who think you are the only busy person on the planet, after someone tried to do that while I was shopping yesterday.

 I say tried because they had the misfortune of having me in the store.

When the offending shopper scooted into the just-opened line, I shouted (yes, I literally shouted because I firmly believe that the only chance we have of rehabilitating rude people is to publicly humiliate them) “Hey, you weren’t next in line. Wait your turn like the rest of the grown-ups!”

Said shopper froze.

“Back up and let her in,” I ordered the would-be line-cutter.

“You’re rude,” she told me. 

Boy that stung!

“You’re rude and wrong,” was my witty reply. Okay, so it wasn’t witty but I was having a devil of a time not telling her she was an entitled &$%^.

She backed up and let the correct shopper take her rightful place on line.

I got out of the store before the idiot shopper (karma baby!) but I’m sure she left soon afterwards.

And there’s the lesson to be learned Idiot Shoppers: The store is not going to close all of the check out lines before you finish shopping. The business wants your money. EVERYONE eventually makes it to the cashier so wait your damn turn!

March 15, 2007

PSA for Idiot Drivers

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenniferelbaum @ 3:56 pm

Dear Idiot Driver

 I am sure that no one has ever told you this, but I am going to share with you the Great Secret of Travelling.

Okay, here it is: If you miss your turn, you will eventually find a place to turn around.

What this means to you Idiot Driver is that you do not have to slam on your brakes while travelling in the left hand lane.

You do not have to cut across three lanes of traffic, just to make your turn.

You can drive PAST the street/highway exit/parking lot and turn around.

I know you think it’s going to magically disappear in the time it takes you to make your U-Turn, but I promise you, it won’t.

 Tune in tomorrow for another PSA.

Can you tell it’s been one of those weeks????

March 13, 2007

Book to film

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenniferelbaum @ 4:12 pm

Jonathan Lethem is giving away the film rights to his book “You Don’t Love Me Yet”.

 You can read all about it here:


 And Doubleday is okay with this?


March 9, 2007

Golf and Guns

Filed under: Uncategorized — jenniferelbaum @ 9:18 am

Yesterday I went to the bookstore to do a little research (and hey, major kudos to me because I walked out without buying anything which meant I could focus on writing).

I grabbed the books I needed (both of which were disappointing which made the not buying anything thing so much easier) and thumbed through. I was seated across from a magazine rack and since I’d learned little from the books, I studied the magazines. Specifically I was seated across from a section catering to men.

Please note that in this particular bookstore this is different than the “Men’s Interest”  section (it’s on another freakin’ rack) which is basically the naked ladies section.

No, I was sitting across from the sports section. I say it’s a men’s section because the magazines that cater to women in sports are in the “Women’s Interest” section which, at least in this particular bookstore, does not feature any naked men.

Anyway, my point is I was studying something I normally don’t even glance at. There were magazines on baseball, snowboarding, skateboarding and body building (closest thing to pictures of naked men!). There were 12 magazines for golfers (not counting the women’s golf magazines in the women’s interest section). I get it, hitting the tiny little ball into the tiny little hole is an obsession for many.

 What blew my mind was that there were TWENTY different magazines about guns. Twenty! That was something I would have never expected.

Next week I’m going to see what sort of unexpected things I can find in the Women’s Interest section!

On a side note that has nothing to do with this post other than it too blew my mind: Anna Genoese is leaving Tor!


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